hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
