you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
