His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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