go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
