Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
