so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
