my room smells like sperm. sweet.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
