Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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