I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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