Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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