just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Dignity is for republicans.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
