Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
