I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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