So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
