OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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