Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
