I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
