I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
