Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
NoShamevember. You game?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
