That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
