That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
