You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
