Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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