I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
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it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
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So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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