Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
