If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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