The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
