remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
