Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
