well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
