I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Randomize
