I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
