I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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