guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
