im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
