I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
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shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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