hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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