He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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