mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
