3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
