So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
This baby is an asshole
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
