i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
