After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
