I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
