jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
