yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
