Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
