A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
