someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
