I bet he comes in French.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
