I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
