When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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