Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
