My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
