Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
