I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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