I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Porn is love you can see.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
