my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
