Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
