I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
