I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
