i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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