Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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