I just made out with a guy for $7.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
