Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize