I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
