nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Are my feet made of real feet?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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