White coat. Heels.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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