I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
