you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
